Why, Oh Why Are You So Sad

Sadness is a hollow emotion, one that leaves us feeling empty and alone regardless of who's around. It can arrive slowly like a stealthy stranger that creeps into life or it can simply stay as the emotion that is left behind from a shocking loss. Sadness happens when we know something or someone really important, something precious has been taken away. It is the emotion we feel when we believe that this is an unalterable loss. Something has ended, it's over and there is no way back to what used to be. There may indeed be no way to return to yesterday or any semblance of it.

It usually takes time before you are aware that you are caught in the throes of sadness. You begin to notice that something big has changed within when you realize that every day is cloudy. Things that were a normal part of your life become boring to you as you lose interest in most of what you once considered important. Places you used to love to visit, things you once loved to participate in hold little if any allure for you. This is a profound emotion. As it progresses you may begin to feel as though your entire aura is colorless. Like a turtle withdrawing into a shell we begin to pull back from all but the necessary parts of our life. Most certainly we retreat from anything that requires us to 'feel.' Emotions are dangerous; they are much like a crack in the shell we have withdrawn into. We no longer feel safe if there is a way to penetrate the place we hide from the things that caused so much pain. This is a deep, profound sadness. It is not a safe place to stay for any length of time; no real life exists there. It must be a place where survivors gather.

You probably remember the unexpected bump in the road, the curve or the new path that suddenly pivoted you in a new direction? It was likely an event you had not planned for and never intended to. Shock is a protective emotion; it is the balm applied naturally that shields us from the onslaught of the emotions we are bound to encounter. It helps, but it dissipates; it was always intended to do this. It is an emergency application that allows us to survive the event. As it dissipates it allows us to feel again, to deal with the things we needed to be shielded from. You must emerge somehow.

You must learn to trust in even the life process, to believe in the things that you should have been able to believe in. The event that has thrust you into this place was not contained in the bag of probabilities one might expect in what we believe is 'normal' in life. This one is a tragedy no one prepares for. Recovery requires that you identify it as such. It was not normal; there was no reason for you to prepare for it. When you can accept this you can allow yourself to feel the pain, all of it. It may seem overwhelming at first. Stay with it, look carefully at what is contained within it and then allow yourself to let go. If you are experiencing any guilt it is time to concede that a much bigger hand than your own controls these big things in life. There really was nothing you could have done to change any really big event. Somewhere down the road you may understand why and how it happened. You may never understand. Your challenge is acceptance; this allows you to let go and begin to heal, to become whole again. Sometimes the hardest part of being human is accepting how much our vision is limited. We can never see all or totally understand from this vantage point; and so we must accept the unacceptable. There is more than you know, of that you can be sure.

Like a child learning to walk you may need to take 'baby steps' back into life. Real recovery is rarely quick. Accept this and express gratitude each time any 'normal' emotion returns. It means your healing is progressing. Don't be afraid to share your feelings. The people who know and love you will understand this is a necessary step back. They will rejoice with you when you no longer need to focus all of your energy there. It is real progress.

The time will come when you can accept what has happened and see how really deeply you were affected. You may feel the need to gather the best of the memories and let go of the ones that no longer serve you as you build a new normal in life. When you feel this way, just let go and know it is a part of the path back. Every step forward allows a door of darkness to close behind you allowing you to remain in tact. Let it go.

Just let go.