Smooth Operators

How do you recognize a smooth operator? Think back, it is the one who fooled you! What makes these kinds of people so good at finding their next victim? Is there a way to recognize the motives of someone before they hijack your life and detour your chosen path? Most people believe they are capable of 'seeing through' people who are insincere until something rocks their faith in their ability to judge the motives of others correctly.

Smooth operators run the gamut of descriptions; they are slick or sleazy, handsome, beautiful or just interesting looking, they are smart or not so much but lovable enough to overlook that... how do they get to us? They do have something in common. These people are major controllers who have mastered the art of reading people. They know nothing about your history yet seemingly understand you and everything that matters to you. They are frequently mistaken as a 'soul mate' when actually they are an accomplished con. Things typically move very quickly when we are in the company of a smooth operator, leaving chaos or confusion in the wake of events. Your dreams come crashing down when they are exposed as a fraud. How did you become a victim; how can you prevent this from happening again?

1) When things seem magical and move with rapid speed in any relationship, slow down. Things that real gets better with time. Things that aren't are exposed over time.

2) Like every magic act there is a reality that lies carefully hidden just behind the scenes. Things are staged perfectly to fool the audience, you. Don't be afraid to examine what you think is real. It will not be a jinx to your miracle to seek truth.

3) Ask personal questions; insincere people avoid answering uncomfortable personal questions. They are role-playing and have not practiced a response to personal questions. Meet their friends and family. Pay attention to the facial expressions and attitudes of the people who surround them. They can be very telling about real intent and expectations.

4) They are takers; when you find yourself on the giving end of any relationship disproportionately there are two things operating here. Cons are on the scene to take; you are fulfilling something that is lacking in yourself by your willingness to give. You may think you are stronger, more intelligent or successful than them or simply harbor a desire to 'parent' them. They are happy to take and resent giving, frequently keeping score to ensure things are leveled out. May times we mistakenly imagine that we are in control by being the giver.

5) They rarely emotionally attach in relationships. They are the great pretenders; many exhibit narcissistic personality traits. Their real emotions are directed only to them and events that affect them personally. They may exhibit a superiority complex that can even seem to be misplaced. All of their emotions are directed inward with anger barely beneath the surface. They are always right.

How do they read people? They watch. People surround themselves with people who are what they see themselves as becoming. People who always pick up the tab in social situations have a need to be recognized as independent or successful. People who place several objects on tables at public gatherings have a need to be in control. Our clothing choices tell a big story about what we want to be perceived as. The magic of seemingly knowing us is information gathered by watching us. They want something from us and pay close enough attention to see what we want from others.

Pay attention to what you are advertising and even more to what you are getting out of a relationship with someone who is insincere.