Are You Really In a Relationship?

When boy meets girl a chemical reaction occurs that triggers the interest and emotions of each one - this is chemistry, which is a real response that fuels the fire of desire. Once they connect they begin the process of getting to know more about each other. It may even gain speed and intensify, feeling like the big "L" love, which is really infatuation. These first two steps are the potentials to falling in love.

If things go well for a longer time you actually get to know the real person you are spending time with. Not the things they want you to know, but all the important things about them beyond talking and enjoying a great physical bonding. You get to know who they really are, what really matters to them, their true feelings about the important issues in their lives and a wealth of information that may not fall into the important category.

Soon after, the bond includes trust. You begin to feel comfortable with the knowledge that you can confide in this person and that their response will be caring and guided to your best interests. Your response to each other will be equally caring at a deeper level than the first few weeks of getting to know one another.

Loyalty follows trust; it is earned through the process of trusting and learning that it was earned, it was real. The kind of familiarity that this close bond establishes leads to real intimacy. It is an honest sharing of the deepest parts of yourself with a person whom you trust completely. Very personal issues that once would have been horribly embarrassing become funny memories to share. You feel safe even when you are exposed at a private level.

It takes real time to develop trust, confidence and loyalty with another person. You have to be willing to peel back the layers of protection that you have been carefully safeguarding yourself with. It took years to put them in place; it is nothing shy of a miracle that you can remove them in a matter of weeks or months. When you feel safe to do this, you have crossed a line into intimacy and what could very possibly develop into the real thing; love.