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Cheater, Cheater What's Your Game?
Does everyone cheat, if so, why? Cheating may be the oldest game ever played by mankind; cheating is betrayal. Many believe there are varying degrees of cheating, like little white lies versus whoppers. The only differences in the cheating game are the victim and how deep the injury has been inflicted. Cheating is an act of dishonesty and a betrayal of honor.
Cheating is frequently accompanied by denial and delusion. The act becomes more palatable if it can be excused by some kind of implied honorable intent, like "It would crush my partner if they knew. " This removes the duty of accountability from the cheater; suddenly all eyes are focused on the poor victim and how it may affect them! When the betrayal is in place, the injury has already been inflicted; none are deeper than when it involves a deeply personal relationship. Not knowing that it has occurred does not eliminate or heal the injury, it is simply a refusal to acknowledge it.
Some cheating actually inflicts injury directly on the cheater; cheating on tests to get better grades or cheating an employer is examples of this. The cheater loses the opportunity to learn something or gain trust that may be vital to continue their quest in a chosen field. Employers are rarely the injured party as they quickly see what has transpired and end their relationship.
There are multitudes of ways to cheat someone, but one cause lies behind this; the cheater has made a conscious decision to be dishonest and act dishonorably. It's always painful to the victim, even if the victim is the cheater. This is a guarantee of all pain, no gain for everyone who is involved.
The underlying causes of cheating are as varied as the act if you ask the cheater who may be the last one you should ask as they rarely know the real answer. The real culprits are poor self-esteem, fear of losing material benefits in a relationship, fear that one cannot accomplish the goal on their own merits and the fear of exposure of some lack the cheater sees in themselves. Just behind this lies a controlling personality; a need to control the outcome with the victim... a manipulator.
Ask the cheater and you quickly find yourself reading from the manual about the abusive personalities; the traits are the same.
1. See what you made me do 2. I lost my head, couldn't stop myself 3. I'm sorry 4. It's your fault 5. If only you had... 6. You're blaming me? 7. You did this 8. You're no good 9. You knew what I was 10. So what
The list goes on, with one single companion that is steadily in control... fear, fear of the outcome if the truth were revealed. Fear and his bully club have taken the stage for yet another performance.
If you are tempted to cheat, identify the fear, eliminate the cause and choose to take the high road through or out of any situation with someone who has earned the right to trust you and your judgment. This is living with integrity.