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Relationships and friendships top the list of our efforts to keep trying to make things work even in the face of continued results that fall short of our expectations. When we are involved with another person in any significant way it is easy to become absorbed into their world even when it falls far short of the one we choose to live in. Re-examinations, temporary break-ups and new beginnings become the new normal for us. This is somehow a more desirable solution than letting go and walking away filled with self-recriminations about what could have been had we stayed. And so, like a favorite movie or song, we play it again. Why do we find it easier to watch our painful re-run than seeking a new opportunity?
1) Some people have a need to win, they cannot let go without the victory in hand and can never be wrong. Unfortunately sooner or later you will arrive at the conclusion that you cannot change other people. You cannot make them love you or want what you want. When you make repeated efforts, frequently the same efforts, they are destined to deliver the same results. The only way to win is by lowering expectations and adjusting the meaning of winning or trying again because you can't let go.
2) Sometimes there is an unrealistic expectation about the best possible outcome. You may have misread the level of commitment or affection of the person involved. They may have been looking for a short ride while you were planning a journey. Sometimes people become involved with you for calculated reasons that are self-serving. For them, the goal line is always closer than yours.
3) Family or friends may misinterpret the reality of the situation. There may also be a reluctance to upset your relationships with others and break a routine leaving you the odd man out. The lens is always blurred when looking at anything from a distance. Others may encourage waiting and continuing to try leaving you feeling like you must be wrong. Under this kind of pressure a trusted acquaintance may be the best confidant. The problem with complying with the pressure of those who are closest is they don't experience the consequences of their opinions.
4) The handwriting may be on the wall but you simply refuse to read or believe it. Things get very painful when you choose this option. It is the roots of emotional abuse born of the refusal to accept the reality of the situation. You are opting to write a new story even though the other person is unwilling to play the role. They are really never going to.
5) You may be resistant to making a change for financial or other security reasons like community standing etc. You are in a prison under your own sentencing guidelines when you do this. You can be free when you are willing to accept the consequences of obtaining your freedom. This isn't always easy but sooner or later it will be preferable to paying the price for self-imprisonment. You cannot grow or plan for anything that is important to you when you are the primary target of someone else's control.
How is it possible to opt for a real new beginning? It requires acceptance of the reality of the relationship and how it makes you feel. You have to allow yourself to believe that there are better tomorrows than the predictable ones that cause you pain. Finally, you must be willing to accept change which is strangely enough the hardest of all. Why? Because you can't see the end result that you must believe in!