All the Lonely People - Where Do They All Come From?

 Suicide and psychic hotlines are filled with stories of the utter despair lonely people endure every day. Lonely people are always searching for the reason why they can't connect with others, typically believing something must be wrong with them. They reach out and seemingly no one responds. They watch as other around them make friends easily, are popular and in demand socially, driving them further into a protective shell filled with doubt and pain.

A closer look reveals that most lonely people are introverted; they are reserved, quiet, sometimes shy or timid and many don't believe others have any interest in their thoughts or ideas. These labels aren't news to those who are lonely; they know, but they don't know how to overcome those things without losing the parts of themselves they really like. Where can they find the middle ground that allows them to enjoy friendships, relationships and real joy in their lives?

The words introverted and extroverted are expressions of how a person controls and uses their personal energy. Extroverts push their energy into situations while introverts pull theirs inward; this inward pull of energy prevents others from noticing their very presence in any situation. They are overlooked almost as though they are part of the furnishings or décor. Others are aware they are there but not in a way that invites them to participate. And so they sit in silence, observing this and wondering why no one seems to notice or care that they have important ideas and thoughts to contribute, or that they have great value as a friend or partner.

To push your energy outward you must also be willing to trust that you and your ideas will be received in a respectful and caring manner. Lonely people are frequently mistrustful; it is a learned response to their failed efforts at being welcomed into others' lives. Energies intermingle; it's how we touch others. You have to be willing to release yours for it to mingle with others and find those who can become real friends and more. What may change your reception?

1) Make an effort to look others in the eye when you enter a room. You announce that you are there in a gentle manner that refuses to be ignored.

2) Square your shoulders, don't 'get your back up' which is obvious to any onlooker.

3) Dare to smile when you enter a room or meet any new person. They have no reason not to enjoy your company.

4) Be the first to offer a handshake; introverts frequently hide their hands in pockets or drop them to their sides in a protective manner. Push your own energy forward with your hand!

5) Stop practicing what you are going to say in any social situation. Be spontaneous and trust that your first response will be measured, thoughtful and appropriate.

6) Reach out; when someone else is expressing all the feelings you have been fighting, reach out and touch them. You know the signals better than anyone.

7) Spend time asking others about their lives, loves or interests; be attentive about what is going on outside your own life.

8) Introverts are frequently mischaracterized as having a superiority complex which is undesirable and almost never welcome in social situations. This happens because of the persona developed as a protective shell. It screams, "You may not like me or want me but I am still smarter or better than you." Even if it's not how you feel, people read this from your own body language and lack of participation. Uncross your arms and refrain from judging the intents of others around you. They are uncomfortable because you are.

9) Pushing our energy is actually projecting it ahead of your arrival into a space. You can begin doing this by envisioning your entry into any situation in the manner you want to be received. Paint a picture in your mind and focus on it. It becomes your reality.

10) Relax; others are waiting for you to be comfortable so they can become comfortable. Find the good in you, feel comfortable in your own skin and learn to accept that you are worthy of joy and friendship in your life.

Lonely people come from fear; fear that they will not be accepted, that they have no worth, that others will reject their ideas and even the fear that they really are flawed in some way. Replace those feelings with faith in the best that you can be; then become it!