Not Me

 When we continue to accept behaviors and situations that are not aligned with the path we have chosen for our life, we need to ask why. The mere fact that we do not question it is consenting to allowing other people to control our behavior unconsciously.

Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep making excuses for bad behavior or for those who do not follow through on promises or commitments? If we are willing to ask the question, 'why' we move forward in leaps and bounds from an illusion that serves no purpose to us. We move into the presence of reality. Instead of being incapacitated by the unknown, we can move forward in our own planned life journey.

Think about the power of intermittent reinforcement in our emotional lives. This is what gets gamblers and addicts hooked. It is what causes very intelligent people to remain in terrible relationships. If it were always bad, you would leave. It is those intermittent 'good times', and wins or highs for the addict, that keep us hooked and returning for more. But you see how the lives of most gamblers and addicts turn out in the end. It is the same with people in our lives who are a part of unhealthy relationships. The results are rarely worth the price of the ride. And, intermittent is as good as it gets; just enough to keep you coming back for more.

How much of this intermittent reward keeps us hooked to our delusions; forces us back to the denial of the real situation? All of this happens because, for a moment, things were better or good.

The good news is that when we wake up in the dream we call our life journey, we realize we chose those poisonous situations to intensify our need to embrace higher values, a higher perception of how we need to see ourselves. Sometimes we create life situations that are guaranteed to make us crash! A head-on crash, so that we have no choice but to wake the hell up and alter our course.

How powerful denial and delusion can be when we are avoiding the big mirror! What is it that we are so afraid to confront in ourselves? What is that dread we wake up with in the morning when it feels like there is something missing? What is that?

It is probably that our good friends and companions, denial and delusion are not yet awake and in control of our emotions. They act as a drug in and of themselves. We become addicted to them and their calming and soothing effects.

It is a lot like being addicted to a computer game. Your screen, or your life view, will reflect dramatic wins that you may even talk about and enjoy; yet, when you turn off the computer, the game vanishes into thin air, a delusion. It was always in the virtual world; it will never show up to accept responsibility for the actions it pervades. These companions are the proverbial 'Not Me's' in your life. You can't find their miserable backsides when it is time to be accountable for your actions. Just like the virtual games, only you can see the wins.

If you are caught up in playing the victim in your game of life, where are you playing that role? At work, as a parent, in an intimate relationship? It an odd fact that those who appear strong and fearless at work may step into the door of their home and immediately assume the role of an abused victim. Publicly they appear as strong and in control people; privately they are emotionally or physically abused if they are caught in this pattern. How does that happen?

Humans instinctively seek to survive and at some level, live out their life dreams. If you are caught in a web of deception and delusion in a relationship, it is not uncommon for you to shine in your work, or vice versa. This is the soul of the dreamer seeking some method to express the joy they originally planned.
We are all born to win; playing a victim is another expression of unhealthy boundaries we have embraced.

It also provides a way to become 'Not Me' when you can excuse the actions you have taken and the choices you have made by blaming someone else for robbing you of your choices. We are our own bandits and thief's in this scenario.

Behold; the head on collision delivering the results of your wrong actions and bad choices. If you are going to survive the ride on your life journey, something has to wake you up so you can navigate the trip successfully.

Imagine that you have chosen a destination and get into your car, buckle the seat belt, start the engine and then proceed to look through the rear view mirror to arrive at your desired destination. You are looking for direction in the mirror that provides the least amount of valuable information, rather than choosing to look through the large expansive windshield that is before you. When you continue the same methods that allowed you to arrive at your current destination, it provides the same effect as navigating through the rear view mirror.

If you have a sense of dread about something it is time to honestly examine where the great sense of power originated that became attached to the thing you dread most. What are you running from? What do you dread and why? How can you disarm this opponent? Can you make a different choice, choose a better path; are you captive because you fear the change? A sense of dread forces you to play the victim's role, a powerless position to assume.

What are you the most disillusioned about in your life? Have you identified the actual issue that is so disillusioning to you? Did you play a part in creating this issue? Are you willing to stop playing that role if you are a part of it?

You cannot win this battle until you are able to be honest with yourself about what it is. Then examine how it became reality; once you have done this, you are in a position to go to battle and win this one in your life.

We all have an addiction to something. If you are in the throes of an unhealthy one, trade it for something that is good for you; good for your path and your life journey. Then stop being a party to continuing the old addiction.

These are simple words that require a deep commitment to change if you want to honestly effect a change. You cannot 'go along to get along' and imagine that things have changed.