Feeling Hollow - Being Emotionally Anesthetized

 Are you feeling empty, hollow inside, or maybe just don't have any real emotional response to anything? Knowingly or unwittingly, you have become emotionally anesthetized. This is a state of mind that is self-administered as a protection from extreme emotional pain. Just as anesthesia is administered for any medical procedure, the human body is equipped with the ability to shut down pain that is draining or unbearable. We shut down emotionally, building protective barriers to keep us safe. There is a general malaise accompanying this malady and signs that are easily recognizable if you pay attention.

1) A general detachment from other people or situations that involve emotions.
2) Not involved in making everyday decision about things most couples share an opinion about, generally opting for 'Do what you think is right.'
3) Exhibits real interest in and affection for innate things like their collections or things they enjoy doing, transferring emotions to things they can control.
4) Partners frequently accuse them of being unwilling or unable to express emotions.
5) Frequently state they enjoy being alone.
6) Slow to commit to relationships.
7) Expects little out of friendships, preferring to be independent.
8) First impressions of others may be harsh, judgmental or cynical.
9) Mistrustful of others emotions.
10) May have control, anger or rage issues.

The common denominator underlying all of these issues is the inability of or unwillingness to fully trust. We retreat like a wounded animal and are inclined to strike out at or simply leave the company of any person or situation that invades our defined space or comfort zone. Those walls are important and worth fiercely protecting because they protect us. On the down side, we live a life that is empty of real sharing emotionally and devoid of any real joy. It is the trade-off for the walls and their protection.

These kinds of wounds can stem from a troubled or abusive childhood, rejections that hurt deeply and may even simply be the culmination of too many rejections. Painful or repeated assaults to our psyche create deep wounds that alter our perception of the world around us. We become fearful of more pain and anguish and choose a method of protection we know we can trust. We keep emotional involvement at a distance thereby limiting the amount of pain any person or situation can cause in the future.

Trusting is difficult after deeply painful events mainly because we no longer trust ourselves or our own judgment. We wonder if there is something lacking or unlovable about us. After all, didn't we allow this to happen? Anger and rage can easily rise from the utter injustice of such pain.

Like every deep wound, you can cover with a Band-Aid, treat it repeatedly or learn to live with the pain it causes. When you are ready to really heal the wound you begin by treating the original cause. It requires learning to trust yourself and your own judgment. You can begin by making small commitments and following through to the desired outcome, by reaching out when you never would have dared and trusting a friend who has earned it or even allowing yourself to love someone enough to trust them. The hardest thing you have to do is letting go of the pain. It has been the only thing you could count on and is a familiar companion. Worse, like one who has been taken hostage, you have bonded with the offender. Just let go.