Let Me Keep On Using You

 There are so many ways someone may ask to 'keep on using you.' Most times the words are unspoken but actions tell the story. There may be an unspoken agreement to play these roles; that of needing to use another's strength and the willingness to stand in the position of offering that strength. It almost always involves some kind of loss; a relationship, hurtful betrayals, a loss of income or position, physical health or even life. These are all major events in a lifetime no matter who suffers the loss. These are the major stressors in life.

It is a fallacy to imagine that some remain unaffected and continue on their way. These are the people who built a wall; they will continue to carry it in front of them. For them, there may have been no one they could use for this trauma, no one to share strength or energy with until they could make it on their own. These are the 'walking wounded.' Somewhere ahead on their path this event will resurface to be relived until it is handled in a different way. This is the place where our perception of 'groundhog day' begins. It is the beginning of the words 'Why does this keep happening to me' that will remain echoed in the lives of those who never had or took the time to heal.

How do you know if you are one of those who are in the unspoken agreement to offer their strength? You are the one who receives the tearful or confused phone calls responding to the need to simply listen. Trauma must talk to heal; you assume the role of healer by allowing them to talk. The broken may ask too much of you from time to time and need to stay in touch for reasons that may not seem clear to you. Thy may seem to have no pride at all to those they trust; it isn't true. They may not have the strength to stand alone yet; they know you do. And so they keep on asking you to be a friend, calling when the tears can no longer be contained and need to lean on you, until they can make it on their own.

You are being asked to reassure them that there will be a brighter day, to remind the broken one that someday they will look up and see the morning sun again. It matters that they can believe in a better tomorrow without another lonely night behind them. This is a process, frequently a long one, but so worth the effort if you are willing to be there. More than ever the broken need a trustworthy friend.

How will you know when all their crying's done; when no more hurting memories consume them? You will notice a smile that reaches their eyes, a shared plan that encompasses the future and not just tomorrow or a week ahead. And something else; you will notice they are beginning to emerge from that dark hiding place and become aware of the world you live in. They may begin asking how they can help you as they realize how much time and effort was expended in their healing process. You were the friend they needed to keep on using until they could make it on their own.