The Mortal Danger in Feeling Insignificant

 Insignificant; unimportant, irrelevant, inconsequential... perhaps even invisible. How is it that a child who is born with such great promise; arriving filled with hopes and dreams and a life filled with opportunity, arrives at such a desperate and demeaning misperception of who they are? What danger lies within this kind of hopelessness?

We need only look at the utterly senseless and incomprehensible loss of lives in our schools and public places; taken by gunmen who openly declared they felt their lives had no value to see how dangerous this can be. The alarming rise in suicide rates in our youth compound the emphasis on how important it is to instill a sense of value and self-worth in our children. Those who survive childhood enter an adult world ill-equipped to contribute to society or to build a life uninterrupted by personal trauma.

Where could this deeply traumatic misconception begin? It may begin at birth.

It is enormously important for a child to feel welcomed at birth. Almost immediately after that first miraculous breath heralds the beginning of life, consciousness begins... with the senses. It is through the senses that a child receives the first impression of the world they have entered and the place they hold in it. It is the point where consciousness, unencumbered by life experiences that may alter their perception of truth, inspires the soul to know its worth. This process of self-evaluation and determining self-worth continues for the next 2-3 years of life. By the age of 5, a child has developed a deeply embedded memory imprint of their own value and the importance they hold in the world they live in.

There are many events that may create a sense of being unwelcome at birth. From an unwanted pregnancy, a broken or severely strained relationship between the birth parents or financial strife; there are a multitude of reasons at the root of creating this atmosphere at birth. It is well worth the effort to plan ahead if any issue stands in the way of your child receiving a heartfelt welcoming birth. This is as important as the support received in the birthing experience.

Narcissism; vanity, self-absorption, egotism and selfishness appear to be the opposite end of the spectrum of feeling insignificant. Yet, a closer examination of the symptoms gives us more and more reason to acknowledge that it may be the very same malady with the same root cause; just a more aggressive expression of those feelings and perceptions. The narcissist exhibits no ability to feel compassion or empathy for others, no feelings of remorse for heinous actions against others and no perception of value of the lives of anyone. It is not difficult to imagine that the same root cause lies with both of these emotional disturbances.

How do we find a bridge to connect those who experience these feelings with a new reality of who they are and what the real value of their live is? Perhaps we can begin by being aware. When we recognize the symptoms of these feelings being exhibited in very young children there is an open door of opportunity to reach out to the child.

It is not possible to inspire a genuine sense of self-worth by voicing meaningless compliments or through manipulation or intimidation. The better bridge may be built by reaching out with pure intent; this means offering no judgment of the child or their actions while embracing them in pure and gentle love and acceptance of themselves and the world they live in. Children learn by example. When they see us treating animals, plants, the earth and each other with kindness and respect they learn that all of these have great value.

Is it possible that something as simple and powerful as unconditional love and acceptance can be the beginning of a real healing that builds a new sense of self-worth; one that actually inspires a child to accept that they have great value and hold a special place in the world they have entered? It is certainly worth the effort of trying. This is pure intent.